Lessons Learned as a Husband: Effective Communication
Chris and Mike share lessons learned so far from being a husband in terms of effective communication. Communication is a huge deal within marriage and requires active listening and initiation along the way. Here’s practical advice for husbands includes initiating communication, asking meaningful questions, and being intentional in pursuing our wives.
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What have Mike Mobley and Chris Howard learned about being a husband? Their answer: real listening is a form of service, and the husband should take the first step toward peace every time, because Jesus took the first step toward us. Chris, 25 years married, admits his instinct is to jump to solutions when his wife mostly wants to be heard. Mike, 14 years in, shares the premarital advice that changed him (“it’s on you every single time to take the first step”), the pride that keeps us on the couch, how love languages shift over the years, and the five questions he and Joelle ask each other every week. It all starts with a text about making dinner and a reply about painting the house. Below: the key takeaways, the Scripture discussed, and the full episode transcript.
It Started With a Text About Dinner
Mike texted Chris out of the blue: “You should make dinner for your wife.” Chris fired back: “Well, Mike, you should go paint your house.” Chris was smiling as he typed, since he helps with dinner most nights anyway. It’s a funny reminder that communication is always going to be a little challenging, because we’re people. And it kicked off a conversation about lessons learned at 25 years and at 14 years of marriage.
Listening Is the Service
Chris’s biggest lesson: he hasn’t always been an effective listener. Guys want to take action and jump to a solution, often with good intentions. But his wife usually isn’t looking for a fix. She wants to be heard and to know her feelings are valid, and then she’ll have the solution. Mike learned to ask Joelle, “Are you asking for my help, or do you just want me to listen?” It sounded elementary, but it worked. Sometimes the listening is the whole thing.
Real Listening vs. Waiting to Talk
Real listening isn’t sitting quietly while you load up your reply, waiting for the noise to stop. Active listening asks questions and summarizes: “So what I’m hearing you say is…” These aren’t tricks to make your wife think you’re listening. They help you actually understand what she’s sharing, so you know what the problem is and how to pray for her. Even at 25 years, Chris says, there’s room to grow here.
Take the First Step, Every Time
Before Mike got married, he asked about 15 men for marriage advice. One said there would be a day, sooner than he thought, when he’d sit in another room after an argument thinking, “It’s her turn.” Even if she’s 1000% in the wrong, it’s on the husband to take the first step, the way Jesus laid down his life for his bride, the church. It has stuck with Mike for 14 years. Not because Joelle never initiates; she often does. But the responsibility is his: be a proactive peacemaker, not a passive husband who drifts until two people no longer know each other.
Pride, Insecurity and the Ten-Minute Window
Why don’t we take that step? Pride. We don’t want to be wrong or look weak, especially to our wives. Mike notices the intensity usually lasts about ten minutes, and if you can let the heat come down, it changes everything. Chris adds that we often lean on our wives to tell us who we are, so a rough day at work plus one discouraging word can lead to pouting and the silent treatment. The real reflection is how Christ sees us. And Mike says the only reason he chooses humility is the cross: Jesus made peace with him in spite of his sin, so what topic could keep him from pursuing his wife?
Keep Learning Your Wife (and Five Weekly Questions)
Bad husband moments? For Chris, it’s bad timing. For Mike, it’s walking out of a room once in an argument, and once asking, after a workday, “So what have y’all done today?” What Joelle needs has also changed over the years, from quality time to acts of service, so the goalposts keep moving. That’s why Mike and Joelle ask each other five questions every week: How did you feel loved this past week? What does your upcoming week look like? How can I pray for you? How would you feel loved and encouraged this week? How would you feel best pursued in intimacy? It catches the gaps before they become a chasm.
Scriptures From This Episode
No verse is cited by reference in this episode. The conversation draws on Jesus laying down his life for his bride, the church, as the picture of a husband’s role, Jesus as the peacemaker who took the first step toward us, and not going to bed angry.
Go deeper: 5 Questions To Ask Your Spouse Every Week · Learning to Listen · Top 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Marriage · Scripture on Marriage · Scripture on Humility · Fruit of the Spirit: Peace
Full Transcript, Not Quite There, Episode 18: Lessons Learned as a Husband: Effective Communication
Mike: What are different things you’ve learned as a husband, and different things I’ve learned as a husband? Because here’s where I go wrong, and here are some things that have worked, and we can pass that on. Are you telling me that sometimes, if I send you a challenging text, like unsolicited advice, you’re not a fan of that?
Chris: I’m open to unsolicited advice. I just…
Mike: If it’s one husband to another, trying to challenge you to serve your wife well, you don’t like those.
Chris: I like you, right? I’m going to take whatever you send my way and at least consider it. I just think understanding the context always helps a bit too.
Mike: Context. Probably context for the listener. What we’re talking about is a random text I sent Chris the other day, saying he should make dinner for his wife.
Chris: Out of the blue, I get this text from Mike, maybe a couple of hours out. He said, “Hey, you should make dinner for your wife.” And what did I say back to you?
Mike: Well, I feel like you received it well. I’m giving you the benefit, as a friend, that you received it well. The very next text was, “Well, Mike, you should go paint your house.”
Chris: Did that rub you the wrong way?
Mike: I’m going to give you the benefit that you received it, you processed it, and you were extending an opportunity to me to go paint my house. Not what could have come across as, “Oh, great, you want me to cook? Well, you go paint. See you later, fella.”
Chris: If only you could have seen the smile on my face as I was typing that back. Because most nights I’m helping figure out dinner. Not to pat myself on the back, but that’s just how we roll. We work out dinner together, and oftentimes I’m helping to either make it or do it. That works for us.
Mike: I think every marriage has a lead on one subject, and the other one’s kind of the assist. Like, Joelle’s figuring out dinner more often than me. So when you say figuring out dinner, are you cooking from scratch, or are you just figuring out what’s going to be on the table?
Chris: It’s all farm to table. I’m going out in the garden and getting some sage and some thyme, and some freshly caught lake fish.
Mike: After you hunt all day and clean the animals.
Chris: Exactly. Prepared. And then we have a little service for the animals prior, a little gathering. And then we enjoy it. But I hope I did not discourage you in any way.
Mike: No. But besides that, do you think our house looks terrible from the outside?
Chris: I haven’t even seen your new place.
Mike: You haven’t even seen it, and you’re making fun of it.
Chris: Do you need to paint it? Has Joelle been asking you to paint it?
Mike: I need to paint a little bit.
Chris: Oh, so this really hit you in an area. We’ll talk about that later. I’m sorry. Next time I will think about my texts a little bit more before sending them back to you. But thank you. Communication is always going to be a bit of a challenge, right? We’re people.
Mike: So yes, communication is key. Something we were talking about before we started recording is lessons learned. Maybe we’re at a stage of life where we’re a little older. I know you’re there. “Seasoned” is right. More mature is what some people would say. We’ll call it that. You’ve got the black and white in your hair.
Chris: Salt and pepper.
Mike: Salt and pepper wisdom. Or a great band: Salt-N-Pepa.
Chris: I do remember them.
Mike: So we talked about 25 years this year for you. Congratulations.
Chris: Thank you.
Mike: Applause. And 14 years for us. Applause for our own marriage. Don’t worry about clapping. No, that’s fine. Don’t put any effort into it. All right, there we go. So that brought up the role of husbands. What are different things you’ve learned as a husband? What have I learned? And it kicked off a conversation, so let’s talk about that. I think a lot of men, and women, would benefit from a conversation like this. It’s nice to talk about what you’ve learned: “Here’s where I go wrong. Here are some things that have worked.” And we can pass that on to the next guy striving to be a great husband, or to the next woman who wants to be a great wife and is thinking about how a guy thinks.
Chris: Anything that could help marriages by sharing a little of what we’ve learned along the way, I think, is a worthwhile endeavor.
Mike: So you get to go first, since you have the 25 years. The silver, I think they call it.
Chris: The silver anniversary. That’s what they say. I don’t know who made that up.
Mike: There’s a boardroom somewhere.
Chris: They said, “This one’s going to be silver, and then gold, and then platinum.”
Mike: I don’t know what’s after that. So, 25 years in. I’m never going to ask “What’s the number one thing?” I don’t like those questions, by the way. I think they’re a little too challenging. What’s something that comes to mind for you, a lesson you’ve learned along the way?
Chris: One of the things that comes to mind, that has helped and hasn’t helped, is not being an effective listener.
Mike: Oh, yeah. Oh, man.
Chris: That’s something that, maybe as guys, we’re just not…
Mike: I’m pretty sure I’m going to go out there and say that’s common.
Chris: Is it a learned skill?
Mike: I’m going to say it’s common that a lot of husbands don’t listen well, because that seems to be commented on the most. And that stings when I hear you say it. Let’s go on that assumption. And guys, if you don’t like this, get ahold of us.
Chris: Probably don’t actually put your hands on us.
Mike: Well, you’re probably not listening anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Male gender burn. So why are we not good listeners?
Chris: I think we want to take action. I think we want to jump to a solution. At least from my experience, I just want my wife not to have to worry about something.
Mike: Actually, a good intention.
Chris: I think it’s a good intention. It’s not to put her down or to say, “You can’t do this,” or, “You can’t handle it.” I want to help. I want to help you arrive at a solution. And that’s not always what she’s looking for. In fact, I don’t think she’s looking for that at all. I think she’s looking for me to listen and to confirm that her feelings about it are valid. And then she’s going to have a solution, and I’ll be there in support.
Mike: That’s a good one. Did you learn that? Was that a hard lesson right away? How long do you think it took? Like, “I’ve been married for a week, I need to listen better”? Or did it take years?
Chris: I would say even at 25, I’m still having to not do that, or to recognize when I’m doing it.
Mike: That’s a good one. For us, at 14 years, I want to say sometime during year one. Constant learner for me too, by the way. Me and you both. The whole premise of the podcast: we’re clearly not there.
Chris: We’re not there.
Mike: We may not be constant learners, but we should become learners constantly, right? Of any topic. Husband, anything we’ve talked about so far. I want to say maybe the first year or two, there was eventually a conversation I had with Joelle where I asked, “Okay, are you asking for my help or a solution, or do you just want me to listen?”
Chris: Great question.
Mike: I actually thought I was maybe belittling her with the question, because it sounded really elementary.
Chris: Maybe not a great question.
Mike: No, no. She’s told me since that it is actually a really effective question, and I would encourage you guys to ask it. But when I said it, there was a piece of me that was like, “Do I have to ask this?” And it was like, oh, I really do. And she would say, “No, I just want you to listen.” And I was like, “Okay, you want me to listen for the first five minutes?” And she was like, “I just want you to listen the whole time. I don’t want you to say a single thing. I just need you to listen.” I can’t speak for every guy, but that was something not developed in me emotionally. Probably also from growing up with my dad and my brother and a bunch of guys. I feel like I missed out on some emotional development, because I’m still learning: oh, I need to literally sit here and just listen, and not say anything. But to your point, yes, because it validated her and gave her an outlet. She already had the solution. She’s a mature woman following the Lord, with more wisdom than anyone I know. She clearly already had a solution, but she needed me to partner with her, listen, just be there, and validate the feelings and emotions that were going on. That was really, really hard. It’s still hard for me now to go, “Okay, take the posture of listening.”
Chris: And it can be active listening, right? You don’t have to just sit there, power through it, be quiet and wait for your turn to talk.
Mike: What would you call that type of listening?
Chris: Where you’re just sitting silent and waiting for her to finish?
Mike: Well, let’s go down that rabbit hole for a second. We said real listening for a husband. So what’s not real listening?
Chris: Not real listening is, “So, are you done? Can I…?”
Mike: That’s not real listening.
Chris: That’s not. Whether that’s in your mind or you say it out loud, and I don’t recommend saying it out loud.
Mike: Same. Please don’t say that out loud, guys. It’d be funny for us if you said it out loud, because you’re going to be in trouble. But don’t say it out loud.
Chris: But if you’re just waiting to say what you want to say after they’re done…
Mike: So maybe a good example is, while the other person is talking, if you’re conjuring up the response or processing in another realm mentally, and you’re ready to come back as soon as the noise stops, you’re not really listening to your wife.
Chris: And it doesn’t mean you have to be quiet the whole time. You can ask her questions. That’s the active part of listening. You can say, “So what I’m hearing you say is…” You can summarize what she said to you. And these aren’t tricks. These aren’t ways to trick your wife into thinking you’re listening. They actually make sure you understand what she’s sharing with you. That way you’ll know what the problem is, or what you can be praying for her about. Qualifying questions, I’d say.
Mike: And the fact that you’re actively listening, that is the way you’re serving your wife. That is the thing you’re doing. Even if you have a fix-it mentality, which I think a lot of guys do, and a lot of people do, actually. And with good intent, like you said, you want to help find a solution for your wife. Why wouldn’t you, as a husband? But the listening, guys, get this: the listening might be the thing. And that’s it.
Chris: The listening is the service.
Mike: That is the service. It can be more than listening, but rarely. Mainly it’s just listen, nothing else. I think that’s very challenging for a lot of husbands. Even when we say that: just listen. No talking. I don’t mean to jump ahead…
Chris: Listening, I think, will help create better communication, whether it’s year one or year 25 or further down the road. I think there’s always going to be room for better listening on our part as husbands.
Mike: Man, that’s challenging for me, in a good way, because I’m not always taking the posture of pursuing my wife to listen to her. That’s good. That’s why it’s “lessons learned,” right?
Chris: Keep learning.
Mike: One of the main things that sticks out for me, when we were talking about this: before we got married, I asked a bunch of guys, “Hey, give me some marriage advice. What’s something that stands out to you?” I was just curious. I wanted to ask like 15 guys and see if they all said the same thing, because then, okay, clearly this is important. I had one guy who said, “Let me paint a picture for you. There’s going to be a day, sooner than you think, when you guys have an argument or a disagreement. It’s two sinful people coming together. And you’re going to have a moment where you’re sitting in another room, thinking, ‘I’m not going first to initiate reconciliation or peace.'” If we had a fight, someone needs to say something next. And he said, “You’re going to sit there and go, ‘I’m not going to do it. She can come to me. It’s her turn.'” And he said, “Even if she is 1000% in the wrong, factually, it’s on you every single time to take the first step. You’re the spiritual leader in the home.” It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have spiritual leadership. “But you’re in the sacrificing role, right? The role of Jesus to the church, Jesus laying down his life for the bride, sacrificing everything of who he is for us. So it’s on you, a hundred percent of the time, to take the first step.” And he said it so… we were laughing, having a good conversation, and as soon as that part came up, it was like a finger in the face. “You listen to me.” I was like, holy Toledo, I wasn’t expecting that. The temperature of the room changed. And that has stuck with me for the last 14 years. He has a hundred percent success rate. He’s right. It has challenged me in scenarios to go, “Oh, this is on me. This is on me. We cannot go to bed with this anger.” Every time a first step needs to be taken, I need to initiate. And it doesn’t mean Joelle hasn’t taken the first step and initiated. She has, plenty of times, and that’s a gift. Praise God for that. But who’s responsible at the end of the day? I think he’s right about the role of a husband. At least for us, that’s been super powerful: okay, I initiate every time.
Chris: Sure. And whether you’ve gotten that right 100% of the time over those 14 years…
Mike: Obviously I’ve got it right. I’ve perfected this.
Chris: At least the picture was painted for you of what it’s supposed to look like.
Mike: Yes.
Chris: What a great piece of advice.
Mike: I share that with people. It’s been gold.
Chris: I see why, because there’s no “out” there for you. If you want to lead spiritually in your home, this way it doesn’t flip to, “Well, she has to make me feel good about myself by coming to me and telling me she was sorry for something that might have happened.” You’re trying to be the reconciler. You’re the one trying to bring the marriage back under Christ.
Mike: Because if we’re going to be honest, whether or not someone’s a believer, the reason a husband is not going to take the first step is that he thinks he’s owed something. It’s pride. It’s all selfishness and pride. And you and I have been there constantly, right? We’re not saying we’ve had it more than others.
Chris: Yeah.
Mike: I’m saying it’s pride because that’s exactly what’s going through my head: “No, I’m not doing this.” Because it requires humility to take the first step and go, “Okay, I can own this and move forward,” as a proactive peacemaker versus a reactive, passive, lazy husband. That’s not going to produce fruit. It’s not going to produce a joyful marriage. And over time, in my opinion, it creates two sinful adults going through life shoulder to shoulder, maybe because of kids or careers. But eventually they’re going to turn, look at each other and say, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And there’s just no relationship there.
Chris: That’s a scary scenario, especially if you’ve been together a long time. You don’t want to get into a situation where you don’t know your partner. But it’s easy to talk about from this vantage point: “All you do is lay down your pride and take up some humility.” But when you’re in it, when that pride is going full throttle, what keeps us there? What are we trying to protect?
Mike: Oh, man. In the moment, it feels impossible to take the first step. Or you’re just enraged with that pride, like, “I will die before I walk into this room. I will die right here on the couch, and I will die a happy man.” The pride reeks. It’s ugly. I don’t want to humble myself in those moments because I don’t want to be wrong, or I don’t want to be what I think would be weak. I want to be the man, or just be right. It’s probably something about thinking I’ll be a weak guy, and I don’t want to be weak to my wife of all people. So I’m sure there are lots of insecurities, and just the sin in the flesh. Have you ever noticed that in those moments it’s so intense, but it’s always in a little window? The intensity doesn’t necessarily go on for hours. It’s that ten-minute window where you want to lash out or do something stupid. I’m not the expert at this either, and I haven’t been following Jesus too long. But I feel like when the attacks of the enemy, or our sin, take over, it’s always in these explosive moments. If you can just be a little patient and let the heat come down a little, it makes all the difference in how we respond.
Chris: Oh, for certain. That does help. When I find myself there, I’m with you. I’m trying to protect some version of myself, some thoughts I have, and it’s usually not at the best time. Something at work could have made me question how well I’m doing, or some insecurity, like you mentioned. I’m already feeling a little down, and then if my wife isn’t seeing me the way I want to be seen, that’s where I get even more insecure, and that’s where I might lash out by being really prideful. We do a disservice to our wives, and to ourselves, when we depend on them to be the reflection of who we are as men. The real reflection we need to be looking at is how Christ sees us. It puts too much pressure on our wives to carry how we should be feeling about ourselves.
Mike: You mean like when your wife says something encouraging to you, you’re on cloud nine all day, but if she says something that discourages you, the whole day is ruined? Is that what you mean?
Chris: And then how are you going to respond? You might carry that through the day, or through a couple of days. I would say nothing is as pitiful as a man walking around giving the silent treatment, pouting because he didn’t like something his wife said. And unfortunately, that’s been me.
Mike: No, same. You know what? That’s also a good word for why I can go and take the first step. I go, “Okay, Jesus has taken the first step with me, so surely I can do this toward my wife.” Otherwise, in that moment when the heat is turned up, I don’t know why I’d choose humility. Left to my own flesh, I am not going into that room first. I’m not taking the first step. I know, because of the Lord, and maybe because of experience talking with other marriages, that I need to be a peacemaker in my marriage. And I look to the cross and go, okay, Jesus was that peacemaker toward me, in spite of all my sin, which is so much worse than anything my wife could ever do toward me. So am I saying I can’t get up and pursue my wife over X topic? What topic could overtake that? I don’t mean to belittle the topics out there. There are some really hard topics. But as husbands, we can still take the first step toward initiating whatever needs to happen in those moments.
Chris: And as you mentioned, it’s our responsibility, right? I think your friend gave you some really great advice, and it sticks with you when you realize, “Okay, this is my duty.” I said “duty.”
Mike: Sometimes we’re five-year-olds. We’re going to keep going. We’re leaving that in. Here’s the deal, guys and ladies: we can say “duty.” We’re mature adults. We have a duty.
Chris: We have a duty.
Mike: We have responsibilities and duties. There we go. It’s out there. We’re moving forward.
Chris: Our responsibility is very clear. Now we’re going to avoid it.
Mike: Okay, so this is just for funsies. I’m going to put you on the spot. What are some mistakes you’ve made where you’re like, “Oh, bad husband moments”? I can think of some for me too. What are a couple of random things from 25 years? Come on.
Chris: Bad timing, I would say, has been a consistent thing brought to my attention: when I’ll bring something up or when I’ll say something. I’ve tried to pay more attention to the timing of things. I don’t always get that right either.
Mike: I’ve had foot-in-mouth moments multiple times, saying the wrong thing. Early on, I think I said something like, “Why are you crying over…?” And Joelle will laugh about this if she hears it. I’ve left the room in the middle of an argument one time. I’ve never walked out of a room in an argument except for one time with Joelle, early in our marriage. I thought I was justified, but I could hear in my mind as I was walking out, “Well, this is the wrong decision.” And I was like, “But I’m doing it anyway.” I remember walking out and shutting the door. That didn’t go over so well. I’ve also had a foot-in-mouth moment with Joelle early on with our babies. I think I might have actually said the phrase, “So, what have y’all done today?” after I’d worked all day.
Chris: Oh, yeah.
Mike: Bad foot-in-mouth moments. I know you’ve never said anything like that.
Chris: I’ve said plenty. I’ve put my foot in my mouth quite often. But I would say the most consistent thing has been the timing. I can actually see it in my wife’s face: “Do you see what I’m doing? I’ve got these things going on right now.”
Mike: Maybe not the best time.
Chris: And so how do I react to that? Well, I want to say what I want to say. And that starts that whole prideful thing.
Mike: So many good lessons. I think what you said at the beginning, about being constant learners of our wives, is advice we’d give to any husband or anyone looking to get married today. You have to take the posture of a constant learner and pursuer of your wife. And it’s going to look different. When we first got married… I don’t know if everyone knows what love languages are. There are some popular articles and books out there: basically, different ways you can love someone in your life that speak to them directly and encourage them. Early on, I did a lot of extra chores and wanted to serve, because I thought that was the way to love Joelle when we first got married. Then I found out that wasn’t really effective for her at all. It made no difference to her. It was quality time and physical touch. And I was like, “Oh, okay, I’ll pivot and do quality time and physical touch instead.” And then we have kids, and I’m working on quality time and physical touch, and she’s basically like, “What are you doing?” And I’m like, “I’m loving you. Let me love you.” And she’s like, “This isn’t really that effective.” I’m like, “What do you mean it’s not effective?” And basically she said acts of service, doing the chores, would be more effective. I think we actually had a little argument about this. In my head it was like, “That’s what I did when we first got married. What do you mean?” And then, light bulb moment: these things change year over year, or every six months. The goalposts are moving constantly.
Chris: And they do. I would say acts of service have been in my wheelhouse for quite a while, and that often feels easy. I’ll just serve. I’ll go do these things. But I’d say there’s less importance on acts of service now than on listening: the ability to just listen and not have the solution.
Mike: We’ll fact-check that later to make sure you’re accurate.
Chris: I’m not saying the acts of service cease, because they certainly don’t. But there are other things that become more important.
Mike: So we’re sharing some different lessons learned about how to be an effective husband. What’s something practical you would tell someone right now, regardless of their stage of life?
Chris: Your wife is going to be very observant, and she’s going to know you like the back of her hand. She’s going to have this intuition that you don’t even know how powerful it is until you actually witness it. Asking her is a great step: how you can actually communicate with her. Not just guessing, not supposing, and definitely not putting it on the shelf and not caring about it. I would say get that established up front and have those kinds of conversations. I’m not saying I did that, or did it well, or did it at all. It’s something that later in our marriage we’re working on, and that I’m working on and putting more emphasis on: better communication. So again, I’m not coming from an expert here, or from somebody who’s mastered it, but I see the importance of it. And I believe Jessica sees the importance of it, and it’s something we’re working on together.
Mike: Any husband who says he’s mastered it, I’m really not listening to him anymore. I think he’s in trouble. That’s the guy who says, “Well, I’m on my fourth marriage. I’ve mastered all these scenarios.” And you’re like, “Oh, cool.”
Chris: Cool guy.
Mike: Practically, I would say a takeaway is to always initiate, always take the first step. Even with communication, which is so key, because you learn so much through it. Initiate the communication. Something that was effective for us, and we don’t do it perfectly every week, is a set of questions we ask each other every week. If you’re thinking about doing something like that, the first couple of weeks can feel a little rocky to get going, because you’re pioneering a new rhythm, right? It feels like, “Oh, we’re really asking ourselves these questions?” But yeah, you really are, because you’re leaving no room for anyone to scapegoat and not be honest about what’s really going on. So really quick, and we’ll share these in the show notes too: I would ask, “How did you feel loved this past week? What does your upcoming week look like? How can I pray for you this week? How would you feel loved and encouraged this week?” And the last one is, “How would you feel best pursued in sex and intimacy this week?” That last one was always a little…
Chris: That sounds a little rocky.
Mike: A little challenging at first. But you know what? A lot of the time it turned out that one of us wasn’t feeling pursued, and a lot of it came down to that. We were finding the gaps. If any of these areas were being missed, and of course we’re going to miss them in any given week, it would keep the gap from becoming a chasm, where six months or a year later, here comes the blowup, because it hasn’t been attended to.
Chris: Sure. It’s very intentional.
Mike: Yes. I would say those questions, and me initiating, saying, “We’re going to sit down and talk about this,” have probably saved us from a lot of potential pitfalls over the years.
Chris: I think we’re all wiser for hearing how you’re handling that. And it shouldn’t be like Brussels sprouts, right? “Oh, we’ve got to do the questions now.” It should be us leading and saying, “Okay, this is something that’s strengthening my marriage. This is something that can help.” So wherever you’re at out there, whether it’s one year, five years, ten years, 25 or more, I think it’s a great idea to ask those questions.
Mike: Kind of like asking questions when you get a text asking if you’re going to make dinner for your wife. Speaking of that, are you going to ask her these five questions later tonight?
Chris: Why don’t you go paint my house?
Mike: Okay. Here we go.
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