What’s Wrong With Living Together Before Marriage?

What's Wrong With Living Together Before Marriage

This post and topic has been featured over at WORLD Magazine and you can view the post by clicking here. The Pilgrim Radio Network also conducted a Radio Interview about this topic as well.

This is a pretty popular question that comes up with believers and non-believers. I asked the same question myself years ago and luckily was pointed to the Bible for answers. Sometimes it’s difficult to answer something like this and I think it takes a little more discussion than just answering this one question. In my experience, it typically involves a similar question that goes something like “How far is too far?” or “When does sin actually become sin?”

In any case, let’s look and see what Scripture says about this. Let’s see how God defines marriage and why it would be wrong to live together before getting married.

The Bible describes marriage as a committed relationship between one man and one woman that is sanctioned and blessed by God (Genesis 2:22-24). Furthermore, God instituted marriage to be between two people, a male and a female. Jesus added that it is to be permanent (Mark 10:7-9 – ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate).

The divine institution of marriage suggests a covenant among the man, the woman, and God. The marital relationship is more important than any other relationship except one’s relationship with God. It is modeled after God’s relationship with His people, the Church. Jesus is the bride-groom, and the Church is His bride. The unique, committed setting of marriage is also the place God designed for the expression of sex. In 1 Corinthians 6:15-18 (Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body), Paul discusses the sinfulness of all sexual relations outside of marriage. In addition to outward sinfulness, sexual sin is a sin against one’s own body. This makes sexual sin uniquely destructive, a clear reason to follow God’s plan for sex.

When it comes to living together before marriage, you may think you are fine just because you are “living together” and nothing more, but I would suggest that you are not. In the midst of living together, you are also opening the door to even more temptation between you two, and hurting any testimony you may have of following Christ as you proclaim that it is a God glorifying thing to live together before marriage. You are also in danger of leading others down a similar path towards sin because of your example (Romans 14:13-22).

Living together before marriage doesn’t reflect the commitment that God instituted and ordained. The good news is that it is never too late to make a change. God forgives sin. That’s what He’s all about. He wants to have a relationship with us, and no situation or sin is too great for Him to forgive. If we want His forgiveness, we must stop committing the sinful act (1 John 3:6 – No one who abides in Him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen Him or known Him) and ask God for forgiveness. He will be faithful to forgive us (1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness).

Living together before marriage doesn’t reflect the commitment that God instituted and ordained.

A quick personal note – I’ve made the mistake in my past, years ago, of moving in with my girlfriend and justifying it because we got a 2 bedroom place, and it saved us money because of bills including rent. Let me just say that there are plenty of excuses out there to justify our actions (money, two bedrooms, we are going to get married anyway, we should live together first to see if we are compatible, or I won’t really know him/her until we live together). I’ll be the first to tell you from personal experience, these excuses do not justify the actions.

Let me encourage you if you find yourself in this situation, there are plenty of ways to change and repent from it. There are plenty of people around you (including the Church) who can help you move out and wait patiently until you are married.

It’s also possible that it might be time to just get married. You might even want to consider going ahead and getting married in the courthouse (which is legal and still in the sight of God) if you didn’t want to wait for a larger ceremony, which you could always do down the road. The point here is to take sin as seriously as possible and make decisions starting today to remove yourself from sin or from being tempted to, and to follow Christ because He is so much better.

Let me also encourage you if you had this situation in the past, that you are forgiven in Jesus Christ. The finished work on the Cross paid the penalty for your past, present, and future sins and God no longer sees you, but rather sees His Son & what He did for you on the Cross.

Questions: So what do you think? Do you see anything wrong with this? What do you see from Scripture? You can leave a comment by clicking below.

Here are other Frequently Asked Questions and how the Bible answers them.

This post and topic has been featured over at WORLD Magazine and you can view the post by clicking here. The Pilgrim Radio Network also conducted a Radio Interview about this topic as well.

SUBSCRIBE FOR NEW POSTS

Have posts sent directly to your email.

Share This Post

Current Trending Posts

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
572 Comments
Newest
Oldest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Steve W.
Steve W.
9 months ago

Hello Mike, I agree ???? with your post. My oldest stepson has been living together with his girlfriend for the past 10 years. They have a beautiful daughter, my granddaughter and I praise the Lord for her. However, I have tried to stress to him several times past about the importance of stepping up and getting married, for the same reasons you point out in your post. When I recently asked him, he said that marriage is in the talks. What baffles me is that when all of my adult children were children, I tried to be a good example… Read more »

Steve W.
Steve W.
Reply to  Mike Mobley
9 months ago

Hey Mike that was very insightful and encouraging. Thanks very much ????

Holland
Holland
Reply to  Steve W.
9 months ago

Your letter touched me. May your continued prayers be answered soon. Holland

James
James
1 year ago

Whats the bible say about kidnapping people from their land, enslaving them and destroying their nuclear family? What does it say about owning people as property? What does it say about hanging people?

Daniel Cherian
Daniel Cherian
2 years ago

How do you see that a married man got his girlfriend pregnant and he divorced his wife later. Now his girlfriend and he live together with her child. They do not get married yet. Can the church take this couple in? Jesus did not condemn the Samaritan woman who had five husbands and living with her boyfriend/unmarried. When Pharisees and religious leaders caught a women in the act of adulatory and brought before Jesus to condemn her and put to death by stoning . Jesus forgave her and said sin no more. These are a few excuses to commit adulatory.… Read more »

Holland
Holland
Reply to  Mike Mobley
9 months ago

Ive been reading your answers to peoples posts. I feel like your guided by the Word of God in your answers. Please continue to do a great job in the Lord.

Ohwiee
Ohwiee
2 years ago

Hi Mike, Im a new believer now and the person that brought me back to the church and to Jesus is my boyfriend. I thanked him all the time for bringing me to our church and learning more about Christian life. But we are not perfect, we are all sinners and the God I know is a forgiving God. Let me tell you our situation and enlighten me here: I came in the US as a visitor, I am legal here and have not overstayed, we almost got married so he can help me to stay here and because he… Read more »

Jaeleah
Jaeleah
3 years ago

Hi Mike, After the passing of my grandmother, I really had to step back and take a look at my life. She was such a God fearing woman and I want to follow God the way that she did. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. I’ve been saving myself ever since I was a little girl. Although I’ve put myself in situations where things could happen, I’ve remained a virgin. My bf knew that I was not going to have sex before marriage & he seem respectful of it. However, I knew that before my… Read more »

Jaeleah
Jaeleah
Reply to  Mike Mobley
3 years ago

Thank you so much Mike. This gives me a lot of clarity on my situation. I really appreciate you taking the time out to respond. This helps SO much! You broke it down so well. I hope you have a good day.

Jaeleah

Sam
Sam
4 years ago

I have known my boyfriend for 14-15 years. We both took seperate routes early in our friendship, he got married and had a son then a few years later divorced. I had also been in a relationship had my daughter and seperated feom her dad due to him having major issues. I have never been married. I would say about a year maybe a little longer after we both got out of those relationships we decided to start dating. After almost a year of dating he moved in with me. We’ve always been really good friends. He’s my best friend.… Read more »

Sam
Sam
Reply to  Mike Mobley
4 years ago

Thank you Mike.

Amy
Amy
4 years ago

This is my problem. My boyfriend of 30 years and myself has turned our life around and decided to follow Jesus. We have lived together most of this time. He has cut off sex but Every time I try to talk to him about marriage he shuts me down. He thinks we’re common law and that’s enough, but if that was the case why cut out sex. How can I make him see.

Alexzander
Alexzander
4 years ago

I am a man of faith, i believe everything th Word says, and nothing that it doesn’t. I’ve often wondered where or how the bible outlines co-habitation as wrong so long as no fornication is taking place. Scripturally, can you outline for me where the bible either CLEARLY defines living with someone of the opposite sex before marriage and without sex is either out-right wrong, or is in and of its self a form of fornication?

Matrimonial Web Solution Development
Matrimonial Web Solution Development
5 years ago

Thanks for the article, it was very helpful.

Jay
Jay
5 years ago

Hello I have been seeking answers to this situation. Through prayer, guidance, and readings; I still do not have my answer. So I will try to explain and seek what guidance I can get. I currently live in a complete different state then my girlfriend. We have been doing distance for over 8 months. I used to live in same state as her but was transferred for work. At the time we were not dating (when I was in same state) but she has been my best friend for years now. After living out of state for over a year,… Read more »

Alex Cota
Alex Cota
5 years ago

Hi. I’ve looked, searched, and inquired about something sorta like this. I totally understand the stand point and the Bible’s standard on living unmarried. Here’s MY situation. I was married, my spouse divorced me, we reconciled 5 years later as platonic parents and no sex or type of intimacy between the both of us. We work well with one another, respect one another, and are co-parent well together. We moved in together with our boys and in no way do we step over any sexual immorality in boundaries. We both are Christians (she a recent new child and sister in… Read more »

Shane
Shane
5 years ago

Hey Mike, thanks for this article I really appreciate it…. I’m finding myself in a really hard situation. I’ve recently come to Jesus while already living with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We’ve moved our lives from her hometown to a different area of the country, have started towards building a life together with plans etc. I’ve told her I can no longer have sex and she took it horribly but has since turned around and accepted it. I know she has a hardened heart towards God (sees no issues with sin, justifies it through religious and cultural lies),… Read more »

Shane
Shane
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

Thanks for responding, Mike… I really appreciate it. I apologize if this similar message shows on your end twice as I have already typed out a response and for some reason it is not showing up on my end. So here goes again… I understand what you are saying and I agree fully. I just need to hear my brothers and sisters confirm and give me assurance in this decision and know that it will be fine. My situation is a little more complicated as well as there is some history behind it all that I am coming to grasp… Read more »

George
George
5 years ago

Question: What if I move in with 3 other people, one of which being my girlfriend? She lives in a bad situation and I want her to be out of it, so I want her to have a place to go.
Two other friends of mine are willing to move in with us and keep us accountable. If there’s ever any nights where it looks like my girlfriend and I will be alone there, I will check out for the night and leave the premisis.
So, is it still sin if we’re living in the same house, however, not alone?

Richard Palmer
Richard Palmer
5 years ago

Repentence and living according to the will and purpose ordained by God….Absolutely Encouraged

Jack
Jack
5 years ago

Churches argue what is wrong or right with sex since the dawn of the churches and there is no certainty to this matter because we can’t Define the meanings of what all the different terms for what type of action happened , i e- adultery, prostitution, premarital, excetera excetera as compared to how they were meant when spoken. This is all human opinion and not God’s will and to be honest just the fact that one Church thinks it’s way is better than another churches even though it all comes from the same book describes the real corruption Within Church… Read more »

Hoosier
Hoosier
5 years ago

Thank you Mike for your article. The question and answer section was also enlightening. I see the bottom line as “are my actions glorifying God, or justifying or satisfying self”. The word is one way, or the other, grey areas are the other too.

Anonymous
Anonymous
5 years ago

Understanding that sex before marriage is a sin, many true pastors advise couples to confess of their sins and live separately until marriage. How long should they live apart until they marry? Thanks!

Connie Williams
Connie Williams
5 years ago

Why do we as Christians push the boundaries God has created for us. It’s like how much can I get away with. What about our testimony. I’m living w girlfriend or boyfriend but I’m not having sex. Really? You’re setting urself up to fall into sexual temptation. To everyone else You Are having sex. It’s “the appearance of evil” but yet you call yourself a believer. Our heartcry/prayer should be “If it causes me and others to stumble in the faith, I don’t want it. If my right hand causes me to stumble cut it off, get rid of it.… Read more »

Savannah Sparkes
Savannah Sparkes
5 years ago

My Fiance and I are in the midst of this discussion. We are getting Married in 12 Days, and he had just moved into our new apartment. I’m finding it very hard to wait the 12 days simply because life in our house is so much easier on my mental well being than it is at home. I know that God will provide me strength even though I can’t see how. It’s hard knowing I’m going to have to leave him each night because I want nothing more than to be a wife to him but that is something that… Read more »

Isaac
Isaac
5 years ago

What verse says it is wrong to live with someone before marriage? I understand what is said about it being extra temptation, but I want to see what exact verse or set of verses says in any way shape or form that living with someone before marriage is wrong. Not having a sexual relationship, just living with said person.

Isaac
Isaac
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

But once again this form of “sin” was taught as an opinion and a culture. Not an actual reference to glorifying God, it is an opinion. Not a fact or proven to be true.

Isaac
Isaac
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

You didn’t answer my question though? You didn’t say it wasn’t an opinion by the people of today. That’s what I’m asking you. It is only an opinion. I’m not talking about any sort of sexual relations. Living with someone before marriage is seen as wrong only through an opinion, no verse, or book, or chapter says otherwise. As you clearly stated before, there are no verses.

Connie Williams
Connie Williams
Reply to  Isaac
5 years ago

What verse says you should?

Dave
Dave
6 years ago

I do realize there are more points to the article than just sexual sin. I think before the dialogue could continue it needed to first be established that simply living together does not equate sinning. If we can’t first come to an understanding on that, then how could we even discuss your other points. To simply make the claim- that living with your girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage is sinful, regardless of any possible set of circumstances for any human being on this earth; well that would be a pretty unreasonable and ridiculous statement for someone to make. I needed to make… Read more »

Terri
Terri
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

I and my husband got a divorce,then later,got back together and we decided not to get married,yet, while we were married It was miserable and he cheated 2x, due to the misery, he has not cheated for 14yrs. We are now so much more happier than when we were when we were married. I love and worship God, Jesus Christ,and I don’t see the harm,a marriage certificate started in 1902, for legal purposes, I do not believe that God would desert me for this, and some say it is Satan tricking me, due to that we are happier without marriage.… Read more »

Isaac
Isaac
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

Again as you just said, it is an opinion formed by those within a church that it is wrong, even though no verse in the bible says that it is wrong.

Jennifer
Jennifer
Reply to  Isaac
2 years ago

Dear Mike, Wonder if it’s appropriate to post an inquiry in this Reply room, if not forgive me, because I need help desperately. My story: My middle 30 yr old daughter and her future fiance plan to live together after engaged and after one year they plan to marry (he thinks they can save lot of money). They both are Christians. And his father is pastor (I haven’t met his parents yet). And he is 5 years younger. Also isn’t one year too long to live together and marry after 1 year? My husband is very upset about their planning… Read more »

Dave
Dave
6 years ago

Mike, it seems like you make the assumption that a couple living together will ultimately end in them having pre-marital sex. This whole article seems to be based on that underlying assumption. So it doesn’t really fully answer the question that the articles title poses, which is ‘What’s wrong with living together before marriage?’ If the couple is fornicating, then yes, that is obviously a sin. We don’t need you to write an article on that, espousing why, because we need only open our bibles to understand as much. Where is there a bible verse, or a CCC reference, denoting… Read more »

Joyce Henderson
Joyce Henderson
6 years ago

Mike, I understand and agree with what you’ve said about living together before marriage. What I don’t understand is when the couple has lived together for years, perhaps having one or more children they decide to get married and have an elaborate wedding. Most parents think it’s great and gladly pay all expenses. Sorry, but in my way of thinking that money could go towards paying a house payment or rent, bills and such. I know, I’m old-fashioned and have been told as much. They say today it’s different than in your day. Yes, thankfully things were different in the… Read more »

amber jooste
amber jooste
6 years ago

I’m wanting to live with my boyfriend but I see now it’s a sin.. I love him a lot but I need reassurance of life living with him before getting married. I know a few people who have had failed marriages because of not being completely happy with the person (life at home wise) and have gone through divorce. Divorce is also a sin. What if I marry to see a change in the person that I don’t like.. how am I suppose to know?

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  amber jooste
6 years ago

Hey Amber, thanks for sharing. If you’re a follower of Christ, I would suggest walking in community with others over this and talking with your local pastor at the church. I would also do pre-marital counseling with your boyfriend. Only because if you guys see yourselves getting married, going through that counseling will address things you’ll want to address now so you’ll know when you get married you’ll have the same principles. I used to think I had to live with my girlfriend to almost “test the living situation” and it was kind of the “last step before marriage”, however,… Read more »

Vanes Murillo
Vanes Murillo
6 years ago

This clarifies a lot. I have a more difficult situation. I’ve recently have been seeking a better relationship with God and I have two children with the same man I’ve been with for the passed four years. What advice could you give me for our situation? I’m wanting to live right and I know what I should do, but since he is the father of my children I’m kinda lost.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Vanes Murillo
6 years ago

Hey there Vanes, thanks for sharing. I would strongly suggest being a part of your local church that teaches Jesus is the only way and within that community have people come alongside you to help you in the transition. Be encouraged that it’s often difficult to follow Jesus and there are issues we have to face along the way, but it’s still the right decision to pursue God and want to glorify Him in everything you do and if you’re starting that afresh now, then that’s awesome! I’d get with your community and help them find you a place (at… Read more »

helen udoh
helen udoh
6 years ago

Please i am 31yrs and i and my man have committed sin by having sex. And he is 31years too please should I marry him? He wants to marry him and we love ourselves. He’s planning to relocate to where am staying so that we can make plans together. Please i need advice thank you.

David
David
6 years ago

Hey Mike, and other readers, I am simply commenting to say thank you very much for this post and the amount of clarification you provide for those who comment. I am going through a situation now, just graduated, wanting to live together with my girlfriend, all that. And though I intend to marry, we are not yet married. And I realize there are many motivations for why I want to live with her: of course it would save money, but I also love her and know how well we get along and how much fun it would be (we are… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  David
6 years ago

Awesome David, thank you so much for reading and for the encouragement! I think what you said was true and I’m excited for your future marriage and family and believe they are starting on the best foundation they can!

Brian
Brian
6 years ago

I’ve never met a Christian woman and don’t think God wants me to get married. I broke this rule now live in eternal damnation. I’m in a relationship with a non Christian, we now live together, and my divorce is not even finalized. I really hate myself because God is the only good thing in my life, now He is going to leave too. Thanks I really needed this. I wish there was a better way.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Brian
6 years ago

Hey Brian, I’m sorry for your struggle, but rest assured God won’t leave you or forsake you, but will always desire for repentance for you. He’ll never give up..the question will be if you’ll give up or not. Be encouraged to not give up pursuing The Lord, even when you are struggling. I think if you desire to have a relationship with God and you know of these in your life that are wrong like you mentioned, then I would change up your situation and make some big changes in your life. 1. Because you know it’ll honor God and… Read more »

NickBacon
NickBacon
6 years ago

Any advice would be appreciated. Well this is a bit of a unique situation I met my girlfriend in the same house I lived in, let me explain we were students and moved into a commune we didnt know each other before hand but became best friends and close from Day 1 then two weeks later we were dating. It worked really well being able to build a strong relationship, not having to make time to see each other cooking dinner together so with regards to “moving in together” we had already moved in together before we met each other.… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  NickBacon
6 years ago

Hey Nick, thanks for sharing and appreciate you reading the post. That’s great that you guys came to the conclusion that serving Jesus as a Christian was more important than serving yourselves and sinning. That was a great first step. Sleeping in the same bed and being that close to each other is a benefit of marriage in my opinion and not something to do in dating. I’m sure you could tell I was going to say that from the post but you are putting yourselves in tempting and dangerous situations..even if it’s in an effort to “be strong and… Read more »

Ana Edwards
Ana Edwards
6 years ago

My friend is living with her boyfriend and has told me she’s starting to feel the guilt. She is a believer in Christ. She sees red flags with the way her boyfriend disciplines her two boys. And a few other things about him bother her. I asked if she ever thought about asking him to move out. She owns her own house. She seems open to exploring this but I can tell she’s struggling on how & what to tell him. What are some steps and guidance I could give her as food for thought to help her bring up… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Ana Edwards
6 years ago

Hey Ana, great questions and thanks for sharing. I would use some of the guidelines in this post to encourage as if she is a believer on why it’s important for her to make those decisions. Especially if Christ going to be first in her life. Everything comes back to that. Are the decisions she is making more concerned with glorifying God or something else? Going off of that and asking him to move out until they can get married (for all the reasons listed above) will reveal where the real priorities are in his life as well and will… Read more »

Christina Silva
Christina Silva
Reply to  Mike Mobley
5 years ago

I’m in a similar boat. I got saved 8 years ago, after having children with the father of my kids. The past 5 years I’ve been convicted and really wanting to glorify God and be obedient to His word. God honors marriage, and I want to be married. The father of my kids is not a believer. In all my years serving the Lord, he has yet been convicted by the Holy Spirit. I want out of this relationship so badly, but am riddled with guilt if I walk away. 11 year’s with Daniel I’ll be 31 years old this… Read more »

Ed Damas
Ed Damas
Reply to  Ana Edwards
6 years ago

If you are stuck in a relationship where either the boyfriend or girlfriend DO NOT get along with your children then you need to end that relationship. End it fast.

Tony C.
Tony C.
6 years ago

What about the Samaritan Woman at the well? Jn. 4. Jesus did not recognize her as being married to the guy she was living with! She realized it was a Sin when he pointed that out! God’s ways are the safest ways, tho’ maybe hard to the flesh at times, Best in the long run!!! Just Saying!!!

Payton Hill
Payton Hill
6 years ago

I myself have a Question of my own. I know Living together is still a Sin and Sex before Marriage, but I haven’t been told anything myself about if I am allowed to stay the night at my Girlfriends house, is that a Sin as well? cause its not specifically Living with her.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Payton Hill
6 years ago

Hey Payton thanks for reading and great question. Sometimes I think we take our situations and ask “is this sin or is this situation sin” and while it may be sin, it’s often followed with, “well I’m not seeing that in the Bible.” Part of the reason behind that is that the Bible doesn’t give a black and white answer to everything, but in your context, the question is more of “what is the best way I can glorify God in my situation” so spending the night at your girlfriends house or a girl spending the night at her boyfriends… Read more »

Nancy
Nancy
7 years ago

My boyfriend and I have already comitted sexual sin, and as a result, we are having a baby. We know God forgives, and we have talked about stopping the sex until we would be married. But not sure we are quite ready for marriage yet though. I cannot imagine not living together once the baby is born. It just seems like it would complicate things tremendously. What suggestion would you have for us other than the obvious “getting married”.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Nancy
7 years ago

Hey Nancy, thanks for sharing. I first just want to say I don’t think I can give you a complete answer through a blog post and I’d encourage you both to pursue pre-marital counseling and walk through this with a pastor and with brothers and sisters in Christ. The difficult thing about this and we know this as followers of Jesus…when we make decisions that are outside of the way God has designed things, we often find trouble with them and complications are the result of many of those decisions. Yes it would complicate things tremendously like you said if… Read more »

Emily
Emily
7 years ago

I’m Christian, and I do believe in waiting for marriage. But I feel as if you are living together before you’re married but living the way God wants you to, then there is no issue. Also not everyone has to know you’re living with them. I understand temptation as well, but you don’t sin because the devil got you, you sin simply because you wanted too. Having self control, and always going to Jesus when there’s that temptation. I don’t think there’s a problem with living with someone before you’re married just as long as you’re not doing sinful things.… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Emily
7 years ago

Thanks for sharing Emily. The difficult part for the Christian I think is that we are called to live to a higher standard of living than the world. So for example, living together with someone can still be wrong because it presents to the world that it’s ok to do so…so others do that because they see you guys doing it…and they can sin. Everyone including them and you guys would play a role in the sin and would be held accountable. We are called to not be a stumbling block to our brothers and sisters in Christ, not have… Read more »

Brian
Brian
Reply to  Mike Mobley
6 years ago

Just piggyback of off Emily comments, I stand with her view point and I believe your response to her was ” even tho we are not sinning by living together we are not being a better example for others who may Be weaker!” My only response to that is the part in the Bible when it says I cannot burn for sins of others nor can Someone else save me from my sins or pay for my sins something like. I believe god gave us tremendous free will to do the right things and what’s righteous but like I said… Read more »

gregdoryt
gregdoryt
7 years ago

So given that this is just a matter of interpreting vague scripture, that is, this is the opinion of a man, and given that this nowhere says anything about living together married or not, I take it as a matter of personal conviction. I lived with my wife before marriage and it helped us grow together and adapt to each other. Our marriage was by the county clerk too, which the Bible does not actually say is recognized by God. But really, the Bible says nothing on the matter of needing a government to proclaim you married nor even a… Read more »

Codey
Codey
7 years ago

Show me a verse in the Bible where it specificically says not to live with a female before marriage all this article did was prove that sex before marriage is a sin but when it came to living to get her you provided no scripture to back your statement you did for everything g else but that all that is is a just an opinion

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Codey
7 years ago

Thanks for sharing Codey, but I don’t think you’re going to find any answers that you’re looking for is you always want the Bible to specifically say everything about everything. There are many things the Bible doesn’t specifically talk about, but if you read the Bible as a whole, there is much more clarify than most people think. For example however it may sound silly, does the Bible say not to drive on the wrong side of the road? Since it doesn’t, I guess we can drive down one way streets? With that line of thinking there is a LOT… Read more »

Different Cody
Different Cody
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

You didn’t really answer the question.

Your entire defense is that it could be seen as bad, so we shouldn’t do it?

Like when Jesus gets angry?

Or when Paul quotes pagan gods?

Bukky Olowoyo
Bukky Olowoyo
Reply to  Different Cody
7 years ago

Hi Cody, If you want your answer accurate and precise is best you seek them from the lord, he will surely convey his message through his disciples or through your conscious – a mind which is designed to his likeness. Matthew 19:5″ The lord Jesus clearly stated that ” 5 And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be ·united with [joined to] his wife, and the two will become ·one body [as though they were one person; T one flesh; Gen. 2:24].’ – Extended version. That a man would leave his background such as his… Read more »

DeniseB
DeniseB
Reply to  Bukky Olowoyo
6 years ago

Someone made the comment to me that there is no mention of people not living together in the Bible, and there is not, but because those who have his Spirit and know God’s character and nature know that this is not what he wants us to do. I also told this person that there is no mention of homosexuals not marrying in the Bible either, but once again, if you have his Spirit and know his nature and character you know that this is not pleasing to God either. Too many people are professing to know him, but by their… Read more »

Bukky Olowoyo
Bukky Olowoyo
Reply to  DeniseB
6 years ago

YOUR RIGHT! It takes the holy ghost of our Lord Jesus, and the father to reveal this principles to us as he sets such examples by his teachings and doctrines. Its best to examine the gospel clearly and the letters of the apostles who experienced the physical Jesus and spirit. Follow these examples and let them rectify us to see the standards of God in clear form of his divine image. Additionally, for both men and women to cohabit together in harmony, the lord always directed this context to marriage. As well, this indicated in the book of Genesis 2,… Read more »

Kayla
Kayla
7 years ago

Hello Mike, I was wondering if you could please help my boyfriend with this topic. He doesn’t quite understand it and was hoping you could help. Maybe over E-Mail? Thanks!

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Kayla
7 years ago

Sure thing Kayla, no problem! Have him contact me and I’d love to talk to him. Thanks so much!!

Last edited 5 months ago by Mike Mobley
Melissa Newby
Melissa Newby
7 years ago

Hey Mike, I’m looking for a Godly man to help give my boyfriend some insight on this topic. Would you be willing to mentor him over email?

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Melissa Newby
7 years ago

Sure thing, that would be awesome! Have him contact me and I’d love to talk to him. Thanks for reaching out!

Last edited 5 months ago by Mike Mobley
Lee Williams
Lee Williams
7 years ago

Mike, Apologies. I had to start a new thread since there wasnt enough room. To recap, I asked that if a couple lived together before marriage and stayed pure (meaning no fornication) then married did they sin? I asked that you answer this with scripture. You responded that you believe they should not move in. I know you believe that. However, lets just say that they did, and did fornicate, then married. Now to further clarify, because it seems necessary, when I ask “did they sin?” I’m not asking “did they sin ever in their lives?”, but ‘how is the… Read more »

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
7 years ago

So… in short, living with a member of the opposite sex is not a sin. You will never find that in the bible. It just looks bad amongst other belivers.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

Hey Lee,

Thanks for sharing, but I think if you were to read through the post again and see what followers of Christ are called to do and how they are called to live (for the glory of God) you would see where sin is involved and how it’s much more than just “looking bad amongst believers”. Thanks again for sharing.

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Mike, Apologies. I meant to post this here. thank you for the reply. I assure you, I read through your post again and came to the same conclusion: based on what you have posted here, there is no scriptural evidence that the act of a man and woman living together is a sin in the eyes of almighty God. While you have given plenty of scriptural evidence for why it appears so in the eyes of men. We are called and encouraged to flee from fornication. I assume this is why you simply suggested that couples not live together. Whilst… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

I agree with you that it’s possible for us to fight temptation and we can overcome that through His Word and through His Power and you made mention about how we should flee fornication…both great points. The problem is where you lie your head at night does indeed make a difference and we very much underestimate the enemy we have against us when we don’t flee. It would be naive of me, you, anyone who thinks they can just “make a commitment” to live with someone like that and not fall short. Not only are they sending the wrong message… Read more »

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Thanks for that, Mike, I think you misunderstand my statement. However, instead of asking you to read it again, i’ll be more clear. There was no statement made insinuating remotely that man has anything to prove to God. This is not scriptural. However, it gives me insight to how easy it is for misinterpretation to lead to false conclusion. The God we serve is a deliberate God. He makes his intention for what he wants his children to not do very clear. So clear that there is no need for us to pick and chose scripture to fit what we… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

Thanks again for sharing Lee. I’ll wrap up this thread with the following comment only because we’ll only be able to go so far on blog post thread and the word can be misinterpreted like you said. When I say people “making a commitment” and falling short, what I mean is that we will always fall short. We can “make commitments” all we want, but we’ll never be able to hold them..we will always fall short and sin over and over…that’s why Jesus came. So to answer your final question…I still believe that those two people should not move in.… Read more »

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Mike

Thank you. However, you did not answer my question. The context given is that they did move in, stayed pure and married. Did they sin? Use scripture. Thanks

Pat
Pat
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

Lee, you are trying to use scripture to justify what you are doing. Obviously, you see what scripture says in ‘fleeing from sin’ and ‘being above reproach’ and ‘not being a stumbling block to others.’ Those all refer to this subject, but because you don’t want to obey those, you look further for a scripture that says explicitly “do not live together”. The scripture you are asking Mike to show you is already there – you just have to choose whether or not you want to obey it. We can’t have a scripture for our every need or question. We… Read more »

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Pat
7 years ago

Thanks Pat. I was worried that my question wasn’t answered because we ran out of room in this thread. I will make a suggestion: Instead of telling me what I’m trying to do, and telling me what I see, why not just ask? No need to be rude. You didn’t answer my question either, but instead decided to attack me personally. So I’ll explain where I am coming from: I think that the writer should have done a better Job separating his opinion on the word from the word itself. Context is important. For instance, lets take ‘not being a… Read more »

Bukky Olowoyo
Bukky Olowoyo
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

Matthew 19:5Expanded Bible (EXB) 5 And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be ·united with [joined to] his wife, and the two will become ·one body [as though they were one person; T one flesh; Gen. 2:24].’ This one scripture which also identifies Genesis 2:24 tells us about the relationship between both distinctive genders before they mutually join and leave together becoming one under Gods marriage seal. Therefore it would be wrong for a man either a women to leave together unless the married because one of them would need to leave their family, parents… Read more »

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Bukky Olowoyo
7 years ago

Thanks, Bukky. I Appreciate the response. You make a great point. We have to be careful with what we interpret as a commandment. Here’s why: If this commandment says “man WILL leave his father and mother and be united…” it means that every man who does not leave and does not marry is sinful. If God says “man WILL”, then how is that different from “thou SHALL?” However, Paul later writes ” I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.(referring to the single life)” If this is a commandment,… Read more »

Bukky Olowoyo
Bukky Olowoyo
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

You are sincerely welcome. You have a brilliant mind, Christ led by the Holy Ghost who is grace to all men that follows the wisdom of God rather the foolishness of the world. Therefore you right with the aspect of Apost Paul communicating his letter to the saints, and hopefully unbelievers would be also inspired. His letters tells us that a large feature of his word were translated by him but in the guide of the Holy Ghost originated from God. All scriptures are God breathed 2 Timothy 3:14-18 , whereby it takes Gods divine intervention to make this word… Read more »

Ed Damas
Ed Damas
Reply to  Lee Williams
6 years ago

If they did move in together, stayed pure and married, then no, they did not sin.
Temptation is always present of course, especially in the first few years of any relationship. It doesn’t matter if you are living together or not. Boyfriend or girlfriend can always come for a visit and end up in the sack with you whether it’s just for the afternoon or the weekend, or overnight.
That, of course, can lead to problems…such as a surprise pregnancy
Now for using scripture there is 1 John 2:16, Proverbs 6:25, Matthew 5:28, Matthew 5:32, 2 Samuel 13:1-2

Lee Williams
Lee Williams
Reply to  Lee Williams
7 years ago

Mike, thank you for the reply. I assure you, I read through your post again and came to the same conclusion: based on what you have posted here, there is no scriptural evidence that the act of a man and woman living together is a sin in the eyes of almighty God. While you have given plenty of scriptural evidence for why it appears so in the eyes of men. We are called and encouraged to flee from fornication. I assume this is why you simply suggested that couples not live together. Whilst I will agree that it opens the… Read more »

TrueTeller
TrueTeller
7 years ago

Well living together is the best way to go these days especially if each couple have their own place which they just can see each other almost everyday which it would be a much better way anyway. And if you happen to have a Disagreement with each other and argue a lot over it which usually it is very Stupid most of the time which then you can go back to your own places since both of you would most likely have your own place and not to worry where to live. Well that would really make sense.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  TrueTeller
7 years ago

Hey there, I think I understand what you’re saying but it wasn’t too clear. If it was encouraging a couple not to live together then I’m sure you can tell from the post, I would definitely agree with that and biblically it’s the wise decision.

Thanks for sharing!

Bukky Olowoyo
Bukky Olowoyo
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Yes I would also agree with this type of institution that Christ the lord has established. It must be a setting where husband and wife can be equally yoked or settled in a home which is based on the covenant of marriage. If a man or women loves their partner then they should proof it by the will of faithfulness and enternal agreement such as jurisdiction and contract of marriage beside what is the point to form a relationship which isn’t going anywhere. When I mean anywhere could you see yourself getting anywhere with this person by at least forming… Read more »

Confused
Confused
7 years ago

Hello. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 8 years. We live together and have two boys 7 & 3. He doesn’t want to get married, not a believer and will not come to church. I’ve stop attending church mainly bc of shame and hurt. I truly love him but have no idea if he loves me. The good news is we’ve both been 100% faithful – no cheating. Well now I’m now exhausted waiting for marriage, and our fights are getting worse. The last one was so bad, he told me i could leave but cannot take the… Read more »

Ed Damas
Ed Damas
Reply to  Confused
6 years ago

Don’t forsake going to church because you feel ashamed. That’s the enemy talking. Go back to church, even if it’s not that church! Remember Jesus DOES wash away all the guilt and the shame!

MelMel
MelMel
7 years ago

Please allow me to ask for your advise and suggestion… really need biblical prospective on an issue: I am currently studying the bible with a woman, she is from very poor upbringing, living with her four young children (all under the ages of 10) and their father for 14 years now), while studying the bible the issue of their living arrangement was discussed, with a brave heart and with much counseling my friend had the conversation with the father of her children, telling him her growing convictions regarding what scripture shows of their living arrangement and in as such she… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  MelMel
7 years ago

Hey Melissa, thanks for sharing and great question. I think you could probably tell from the most what I believe and what I would encourage you to share to that woman. It sounds great they are planning to get married very soon and I would encourage them to do that asap and in the meantime making different living arrangements for a couple of weeks. There are plenty of ways they could do that but at the end of the day the larger question is what is the priority in their marriage? If they are followers of Jesus, then all decisions… Read more »

Joe Rineer
Joe Rineer
7 years ago

Great article Mike. I am sort of at an impasse in my life and ended up in this type of situation. I was married for 8 years and my girlfriend for 5. Both of our ex-spouses didn’t want the responsibility of being parents anymore. I never thought I’d be a single dad of 3 young kids and she never thought she’d be left to care for 4 young children without a job. I firmly believe the Lord brought us together, there were too many signs that couldn’t be denied. I have an awesome job that provides me with a great… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Joe Rineer
7 years ago

Hey Joe, Thanks for reaching and thanks for reaching out! I want to be as sensitive in my response through a blog comment as possible because I can only imagine how difficult the whole situation has been for you and for her, your pasts, raising children through all of that, etc. but there are a couple of things I think I should say in light of your comment. I would encourage you (I’m sure you could assume this from the post) to either get married asap, or hold off on living together until you’re married. Not only for your relationship… Read more »

Adam Williams
Adam Williams
7 years ago

My girlfriend and I were planning on getting married sometime next year, after we have both finished college. However, we have recently had a son out of wedlock (I know, bad, we beat ourselves up about it already and have just tried to do the right things since). That being the case, we have elected to put off the wedding in order to use the money to support our son. We (she) decided we should not to live together still. I was and still am caught between discerning whether I believe god would moreso advocate providing our son with a… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Adam Williams
7 years ago

Hey Adam, thanks so much for sharing and great questions. I’ll at least tell you what I believe within this situation and I don’t mean for it to come across like it’s easier than what it really is, but I think it’s the best I can for a blog comment. I think the best thing you could do to support your son is to get married. There are many plans and money involved I know, but at the same time you can always get married, make things official, then celebrate however you want later. Your son would have a father… Read more »

Adam Williams
Adam Williams
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

That does help immensely, and I have actually been the one pushing for us to simply go to the courthouse and get married. However, she is stuck on having a traditional marriage (the big ceremony) so I’ve kind of hit a dead end with that line of reasoning, haha. She believes it would be unhealthy for our relationship to accelerate just because we have a child and is trying to make choices without them being affected by the fact that we have a son together. I feel as though she is in a very dangerous place in that regard and… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Adam Williams
7 years ago

Well this is where it gets a little tough, but if you guys believe God has called you both to each other and you are going to get married, then there’s no reason to wait. That would be the case regardless. On top of that, you guys know Biblically the problem with having sex before marriage, but at the end of the day it happened and you both can repent and stay away from sexual temptations and now handle the situation with your son. That being said, of course your son plays a huge factor. He is no more or… Read more »

Gabriel
Gabriel
7 years ago

I don’t see in bible where it says living together is a sin that will send you to hell. I cannot marry my girlfriend ever anyways so that would mean I’m going to hell to suffer the lake of fire and share the same fate as someone like Hitler all because I’m living with my gf. He has millions killed out of hate, I’m a person with a disability and cannot marry so I’m supposed to be living alone and break up with my gf for the remainder of my natural life on earth….seems ridiculous to be punished that way.

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Gabriel
7 years ago

Hey Gabriel, thank you for sharing. Let’s clarify a few things here. First off, there is no sin that you can do that will send you to hell….going to heaven or hell isn’t about a sin you can do or not do…but is all dependent on having a relationship with Jesus. Jesus paid the penalty for all of your sins…past, present, and future ones. That point is a fact and when He rose from the dead, He defeated death and sin in victory. That means for those who believe in Jesus and confess that He is Lord and they’ll follow… Read more »

Gabriel
Gabriel
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

It does a bit yes, it is a bit of a complex scenario I’m in and it’s making me terribly depressed as I find it hard to be 100% perfect. I just feel like if I lead a good life and truly do my best that it won’t be good enough and that’s what’s stressing me out. I just want a normal life despite not being able to work. I want to be happy, I want God to be happy. If we get married I lose 100% of my benefits and yeah…a little complex to type in a post but… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Gabriel
7 years ago

I’m sorry Gabriel. I can assure you that regardless of your performance of how good you think you live or how bad you think you live, if you believe in Jesus and follow Him according to the Bible, you will be saved. That’s a fact and it’s because it’s about what Jesus has done for you, not about what you can do for Jesus. Maybe there is a Church you can get involved with and talk with some local pastors and leaders to help walk with you through this time to make wise and Godly decisions while meeting needs at… Read more »

Gabriel
Gabriel
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

I’ve tried that and basically was told I’m destined for Hell because my gf and I are fornicating as we can’t get married, I’m disabled and I would 100% lose my benefits, she’s not able to support me. So it’s stay with my gf that I love in this lifetime and have a kid and go to hell so it seems, or throw away the woman I love and become celibate for rest of my life but inherit kingdom of God, there is no exceptions to the rule in bible for what if someone truly cannot get married if they… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Gabriel
7 years ago

I’m sorry you were told you were destined for hell. That is decided based on you having a relationship with Jesus or not. I’m sure you can tell from the post that I wouldn’t support you two living together because I do believe it is sinful….but just because someone is sinning doesn’t mean they are going straight to hell. Many people including myself have to learn what sin is according to the Bible and then repent of that and make changes in our lives. I believe there might be options for you and I would suggest getting involved in a… Read more »

Rhonilda Parker
Rhonilda Parker
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Your disability award is yours! No one can take it from you! Married or not! Check with your local Social Security Disability Office

Michael
Michael
Reply to  Mike Mobley
7 years ago

Dear Gabriel….so what your saying is do whatever you want and you will be saved as long as you believe in Christ. St Paul believed in christ yet was in fear of losing his salvation!!! You fail to mention Christ also said, anyone who puts his wife away and marrys another commits adultry. You are sending souls to hell with your jibberish !!!!

Guidance and thoughts
Guidance and thoughts
7 years ago

Just got engaged after 2 years dating, we are both Christians, she would like us to move in together before we are married and is calling it a deal breaker if we don’t. I didn’t see this one coming, I’m thinking what does waiting 7 months mean to me as it relates to the relationship and God? It’s a tough decision for me as while I feel convicted to hold firm I also wonder what does this matter to me and if it matters to God.

Ed Damas
Ed Damas
Reply to  Guidance and thoughts
6 years ago

If it’s a deal breaker with her, then don’t move in, but definitely move on. What’s my reason? Simple, she is making herself the head of the household now, and probably will continue that after marriage. God should always be the head of the marriage, not the woman.

thesimpletruth
thesimpletruth
7 years ago

I hear what all of you have been saying, but what does Jesus say. Jesus addressed the woman at the well that was “living together” with a man who wasn’t her husband and he said WITHOUT CONDEMNATION “go and sin no more”. And so WITHOUT CONDEMNATION, i say unto you all, “go and sin no more”, the sexual sin of fornication is a sin unto death and it must be repented of IMMEDIATELY, NOW, NOT LATER, NOW. 1 Corinthians 6:15-20King James Version (KJV) 15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  thesimpletruth
7 years ago

Hey “thesimpletruth”, appreciate you sharing. While I understand your comment and agree about the seriousness of sin and what the Bible says, I think we as Christians need to be careful and show grace and love to people. For example, your comment comes across almost like you are yelling, throwing down some scripture, and then mic dropping on the way out. I would encourage you to leave comments and have conversations with people that have more grace to them. I honestly thought living together with my girlfriend at the time was right and there was nothing wrong with it so… Read more »

Bruce
Bruce
Reply to  thesimpletruth
7 years ago

Does “harlot” mean something different from what I think it does? I think it to mean “prostitute” or “promiscuous woman”. How does this verse apply if a person’s girlfriend is not a prostitute, and is faithful only to one man (and intends to keep it that way), but without the documents required for the classification of marriage?

Jonathon Stubbs
Jonathon Stubbs
7 years ago

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. we have a newborn girl. I work while she take care of the baby. I am in a catch 22, I understand that in order to be right with God I would need to marry my girlfriend but marriage is not something she wants as of now. We just started going to church and I am hoping to help her grow but that may take some time. If we did separate until marriage, I would lose my daughter because my girlfriend would move out of state. If we don’t separate,… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  Jonathon Stubbs
7 years ago

Hey Jonathon, Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry for the difficult situation. That’s great that she’s growing maybe in her walk with The Lord. Are you guys actively part of that church? Are you in community with others? Have you spoken with the pastor about your situation? Getting help and walking in community in something like this is huge for support. If you’re a follower of Christ, as painful as it can be some times…the relationship you have with God is the highest priority and for good reason. But that means your decision making going forward is more of what… Read more »

rose
rose
7 years ago

Hello I just found this thread and I need a little advice, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now I came into this relationship with a 3 year old child, whom he’s been raising and we now are 23 soon to be 24 and have 2 kids together unmarried and are expecting twins, I have always felt bad and guilty that we are not married and have tried telling him this but there was always an excuse and now it’s just gone out the window or I don’t want to bother about it because I don’t want him… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  rose
7 years ago

Hey Rose, Thanks for asking and it’s a very complicated situation..I’m sorry for the struggles. I don’t think a single comment response will give you all the advice you need but I’ll suggest a few things to you. I’m not sure if you or your boyfriend are followers of Jesus, but I’m going to respond as if you were. You want God to be first and foremost in everything, especially within marriage and how to raise children. If you follow Jesus, I think a better question first would be “what would most glorify God in my situation”…and then go from… Read more »

DeniseB
DeniseB
Reply to  Mike Mobley
6 years ago

Thanks Mr. Mobley for sharing the truth on this topic. This is just another trick of the enemy to try to make a mockery out of God. I knew that something was wrong with living together when I was “in the world living with my fiance,” so I do not understand why professing Christians do not know that something is wrong with it when they are supposed to have the Spirit of God? God said in the Old Testament, “Be ye holy,” and he says in the New Testament “Be ye holy.” The church needs to go back to teaching… Read more »

Mike Mobley
Mike Mobley
Reply to  DeniseB
6 years ago

Thanks so much for the encouragement Denise and thanks for reading!

SEARCH FOR POSTS
Search

SUBSCRIBE FOR NEW POSTS

Have posts sent directly to your email.

ABOUT OUR FOUNDER

Mike Mobley

My prayer is that through Before The Cross whether or not you’re a follower of Christ, that you can ask questions, seek and obtain truth from the Bible, and explore various resources to help you each day.

FOLLOW BTC

Total Subscribers 44,657

As Featured In

Shirts On Amazon

Scroll to Top